An Empowered Parent's Guide to Talking to Your Kids about Cannabis

Meghan Brand • May 25, 2023

Helping Our Kids Develop and Trust Their Inner Compass

If you are wondering if teens are using cannabis, the answer is yes. In California, where it is legal at age 21, the California Department of Public Health reports that 16% of 11th graders currently use cannabis, which is more common than binge drinking or smoking. However, research shows it is not safe for your teen (because of their growing brain) to use cannabis in any kind of way (1).

It might be challenging to know when and how to talk to your children about Cannabis. Sometimes parents fear that talking about such things plants ideas in their kid's minds. Still, the reality is that it is not uncommon for kids to learn about weed in their everyday environment - school bathrooms, social media, their friends, movies, and such. The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Association (SAMHSA) states that “When parents talk with their children early and often about alcohol and other drugs, they can protect their children from many of the high-risk behaviors associated with these drugs.”(2)

We can use the 10 Core Pillars of Empowered Parenting (3) to guide us in our approach when we address the issue of cannabis.

The first three pillars of Empowered Parenting are:

1. Become Informed and Aware

2. Be Intentional and Reflective

3. Stay Present, Committed, Authentic.

When we look at cannabis use (or any kind of risky behavior) through the lens of these pillars, we want to begin by being informed and aware. For instance, knowing where our children are developmentally is an excellent place to start. Adolescence is when children figure out who they are outside of the family. Friendships and fitting in with their peers are high on their list of priorities. This makes them vulnerable to peer pressure. Another developmental characteristic of teens is they think they are invincible and that nothing bad can happen to them. You might be surprised to learn that the thinking part of their brain, the pre-frontal cortex, is not fully developed and won’t be until around age 23! (4) Even though teens may be pushing us away, they need us more than ever, but in a different way than when they were little. For the above reasons, we parents must be intentional and reflective in our approach. They are less likely to heed our warnings if we are highly emotional and come to them with information rooted in fear, not facts.

Children need us to guide their exploration and arm them with fact-based information. The Department of Public Health provides the following information on the risks of underage Cannabis use. Research shows that cannabis may:

Impair learning, memory, attention, decision-making, and motivation, which can affect school and sports performance (5)
Increase the risk of chronic cough, bronchitis, and asthma severity (6)
Increase the risk of schizophrenia or other psychotic disorders in adulthood, with the highest risk among those who begin using at a young age, especially among individuals who may already be at risk because of genetics. (7)

If you discover your teen has experimented with marijuana, don’t panic—the following three pillars can help.

4. All Feelings are Valid and Welcome

5. Be Attuned and Empathetic

6. Practice Loving Kindness and Forgiveness

If we can stay grounded and listen to our teen's feelings, we will have a better chance to get to the root of what led them to marijuana use. This leads to our being able to empathize with their experience. Empathy builds trust and strengthens our connection. Judgment and shame can cause our children to withdraw. If we show up with love and forgiveness without taking our teen's behavior personally, we are much more likely to be someone they can confide in.

In addition, when our children feel seen, heard, and accepted at home, they can go out into the world with self-confidence, making them less likely to cave to peer pressure. This is the benefit of creating a secure attachment. The goal of Empowered Parenting is that our children will develop an inner compass and make wise choices even when no one is watching.

The last four pillars help us communicate clearly and stay firm with our boundaries and limits while keeping a strong, healthy, authentic relationship with our children. They can set the stage for moving forward.

7. Communicate to Connect and Understand

8. Use Non-Violence and Safety

9. Create Boundaries from Family Values

10. Embrace Joy, Play, and Fun

If we come down hard with punishments, that may solve the problem temporarily. However, when we respond with punishment, we risk driving the behavior underground and increasing the chances of sneaking and lying. With Empowered Parenting, we keep our children close, and they want to share with us because there is mutual respect. When we keep them close, we have a more significant influence. We share our values with them and help them develop their values. Communicating to connect and keeping our children emotionally safe makes them more likely to make healthy choices. Remembering to use joy, play, and fun in our parenting helps meet our kid's human need to belong. When this need is met, they are much less likely to look to outside influences to make them feel better.

The CDPH recommends the following tips: (8)

Talk Early and Often - Start the conversation before your kids even think about experimenting.

Be Casual But Clear - Have casual conversations instead of lectures or formal family meetings. Look for natural times to talk about it, like when you see a billboard or someone using it on tv or after smelling it outside.

Be Open, and Listen Without Judgement: Listen without interrupting and without judgment. Ask open-ended questions that encourage your teen to elaborate.

Keep It Grounded and Fact-Based- Focus on the facts and discuss how cannabis use can affect them.

Don’t worry if you haven’t established the connection that allows for trusted conversations. It's never too late. Your teen may need more time to trust you to respond helpfully. Keep trying, and don’t give up. It will likely take many conversations to reduce harm.

Today’s teens are going to need a different kind of skillset to succeed, and that requires a different response from their parents. The earlier we build a connected relationship based on mutual trust, the easier it will be when they reach the stage of development where they face more significant consequences when they make mistakes. We will have a much greater chance of reaching our teens if we show up empowered by our fact-based knowledge, put our fears and judgments aside, and stay open to learning about our particular child’s experience.

Please contact me if you want to learn more about Empowered Parenting and transform your relationship with your child.

Resources:

https://www.cdph.ca.gov/Programs/CCDPHP/sapb/cannabis/Pages/Community-Toolkit.aspx
SAMHSA. (https://www.samhsa.gov/talk-they-hear-you/parent-resources/why-you-should-talk-your-child). Accessed December 29, 2022.
https://www.jaiinstituteforparenting.com/blog
Arain M, Haque M, Johal L, Mathur P, Nel W, Rais A, Sandhu R, Sharma S. Maturation of the adolescent brain. Neuropsychiatr Dis Treat. 2013;9:449-61. doi: 10.2147/NDT.S39776. Epub 2013 Apr 3. PMID: 23579318; PMCID: PMC3621648.
Surgeon General's Advisory: Marijuana use & the developing brain. HHS.gov. (https://www.hhs.gov/surgeongeneral/reports-and-publications/addiction-and-substance-misuse/advisory-on-marijuana-use-and-developing-brain/index.html). Published August 13, 2021. Accessed December 29, 2022.
Tetrault JM, Crothers K, Moore BA, Mehra R, Concato J, Fiellin DA. Effects of marijuana smoking on pulmonary function and respiratory complications: a systematic review. Arch Intern Med. 2007;167(3):221-228. doi:10.1001/archinte.167.3.221
Surgeon General's Advisory: Marijuana use & the developing brain. HHS.gov. (https://www.hhs.gov/surgeongeneral/reports-and-publications/addiction-and-substance-misuse/advisory-on-marijuana-use-and-developing-brain/index.html). Published August 13, 2021. Accessed December 29, 2022.
https://www.cdph.ca.gov/Programs/CCDPHP/sapb/cannabis/Pages/Cannabis-Risks.aspx

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When Scary Becomes Too Scary

By Meghan Brand • October 30, 2025

Each October, neighborhoods come alive with creativity — cobwebs on fences, pumpkins glowing, skeletons dancing in the wind. It’s one of the joys of living in a community that celebrates together. But in recent years, Halloween decorations have grown more elaborate and, at times, more graphic — life-sized monsters, severed limbs, bloodied scenes straight from a horror movie. Many are impressive feats of artistry. Yet it’s worth pausing to ask: how do these images land in the hearts and nervous systems of the children who pass them every day? What Gets Fired Together Gets Wired Together Our brains are designed to protect us. When we see something frightening, our amygdala fires — sending messages that say, “danger, stay alert!” In adults, the prefrontal cortex helps us calm down and remember it’s just pretend. But in children, that part of the brain is still developing. They can’t always tell the difference between a make-believe threat and a real one. The saying “what fires together, wires together” is neuroscience shorthand for how repeated experiences shape the brain. If a child walks past gory or threatening imagery every day, their brain may repeatedly fire the “fear” circuitry — and those neural pathways can strengthen. Even if they act brave, their body may quietly store the stress. The Hidden Costs of Fright Children process images differently than adults. Scary visuals can linger as intrusive mental pictures, showing up later as nightmares, restlessness, or heightened vigilance. Some kids may shrug it off; others may not sleep well for days. The American Academy of Pediatrics notes that young viewers often internalize horror imagery as real threat. And researchers have found that repeated exposure to violent or frightening visuals can increase anxiety or desensitize emotional response — depending on a child’s age, temperament, and support system. It’s not about blaming anyone. It’s about remembering that safety is the soil in which childhood grows. Seeing Through a Child’s Eyes Halloween brings out incredible artistry — creativity, humor, and craftsmanship that light up our neighborhoods. Many displays are stunning to look at, even awe-inspiring. Yet what’s thrilling for adults can feel very different to a child. Children process the world through their senses and emotions before logic catches up. Their nervous systems react first — their hearts race, their muscles tense, their imaginations fill in the story. They don’t yet have the cognitive filters we do. So while we might see “a clever spooky scene,” a young child might see something that feels real and unsettling. That’s why it helps to slow down and talk with them — maybe on a walk, maybe later at bedtime — about what’s pretend and what’s real. Asking how something made them feel, or inviting them to draw or talk about it, helps their brains integrate the experience and regain a sense of safety. When we can see through a child’s eyes, we widen our circle of awareness. Heeding the Children We can’t — and don’t want to — bubble-wrap childhood. Still, it helps to understand how a developing mind takes in the world around it — and how awareness itself can nurture resilience. That means: Watching for cues — does your child’s body tense up when they see certain images? Offering reassurance — “That’s just pretend. You’re safe.” Encouraging expression — through art, storytelling, movement, or cuddles. By noticing how our children respond, we strengthen trust and connection — the real roots of resilience. A Gentle Reflection Halloween is a season of imagination — of mystery, play, and shared creativity. For adults, the thrill of fear can be entertaining, even nostalgic. For children, those same images can stir something deeper, more embodied. When we pause to notice how differently our kids might experience what we take for granted, we practice awareness — not judgment. Each moment of attunement helps us stay connected to what matters most: our children’s sense of safety, belonging, and wonder. What gets fired together gets wired together — and with a little mindfulness, we can help wire memories filled with curiosity, laughter, and love.

Empowered Parents’ Guide to Teen Halloween Parties

By Meghan Brand • October 27, 2025

Halloween brings excitement, creativity, and independence — especially for high schoolers. But for parents, it can stir up anxiety: Will they be safe? Will there be alcohol? Will they make good choices? As a first-time parent of a teenager — and as someone who was a rebellious teen myself — I’m navigating this right alongside you. I want something different for my son: connection over control, trust over fear. I don’t have all the answers, but I’m drawing from my training as a certified parent coach and my years studying digital health and authentic connection to guide us both through this new terrain. What I’ve learned is that our power as parents comes not from enforcing compliance, but from building relationships rooted in respect and presence. Lead with Curiosity, Not Control When we lead with control — “You’re not going to that party!” — we shut down communication. When we lead with curiosity, we invite honesty and connection. Try asking: “Tell me more about the plans — who’s going, what’s the vibe, what sounds fun about it?” Listening without judgment builds trust. When teens feel respected instead of criticized, they’re far more likely to tell us the truth — even about risky situations. Co-Create Safety Agreements Instead of setting rules for your teen, create agreements with them. This builds responsibility and self-trust. A few key areas to cover: Transportation : How will they get there and home safely? What’s Plan B if something changes? Communication : What kind of check-in feels fair — a text when arriving and one before leaving? Substances : Talk about peer pressure and alcohol without lectures. Emphasize your love and availability: “If something feels wrong, call me — no judgment.” Boundaries : Agree on a safety word or symbol they can text if they need a pickup or an exit. When expectations are clear, everyone can relax — and your teen gains confidence navigating independence. Costumes, Consent, and Confidence Halloween costumes can be creative, funny, or expressive — but they can also trigger social pressures. This is a great time for a conversation about body confidence and consent: What kind of attention feels good — and what doesn’t? How do you want to feel in your outfit — respected, comfortable, authentic? What’s your plan if someone crosses a line or shares an unwanted photo? Remind them: consent applies everywhere — parties, photos, group chats. Encourage self-expression that feels empowering, not performative. “What If” Scenarios for Real-Life Confidence Saying “Be smart” isn’t enough — teens need to practice smart. Talk through possible scenarios: “What would you do if your ride’s been drinking?” “If you’re uncomfortable, how can you get grounded or call for help?” “If plans shift and you feel uneasy, what’s your exit plan?” These conversations build inner leadership and courage. You’re not micromanaging — you’re mentoring. Reconnect Without Interrogating When your teen gets home, keep the door open for connection, not confrontation. Ask: “How was it? What was the best part?” Let them share freely before diving into rules or consequences. If something went wrong, stay calm — this is how you teach reflection, not fear. Model Calm and Confidence Teens mirror our nervous systems. When we project calm trust — “I believe in your good judgment, and I’m here if things go sideways” — they internalize it. Our grounded energy becomes their inner compass when we’re not there. Final Thought Halloween can be a rite of passage for your teen — and for you. Every time you practice trust, empathy, and honest conversation, you’re strengthening their self-leadership. Parenting through empowerment isn’t about perfection. It’s about presence, partnership, and the quiet courage to let them grow — even as we’re still learning ourselves. Meghan Brand Stauf is a Jai Certified Parent Coach and Digital Health Support Specialist who helps families build connection, confidence, and screenwise balance. As a first-time parent of a teenager, she brings both personal honesty and professional insight to her coaching.