Setting Limits Around Screens

Meghan Brand Stauf • October 12, 2023

A Peaceful, Empowered Approach the Fosters Connection

As a mom and a parenting coach, I have found the most common parenting issues are rooted in setting healthy limits around screens. Sometimes, it feels like the problem is too big to manage. Screens are everywhere. Parents need them for work, schools use them in the classroom, kids bring them home to do homework, etc. So much of our lives revolve around technology. It can be scary to see your child lost in a device, lose interest in activities that used to bring them joy, experience online bullying, exposer to inappropriate content, or worse. When this happens, likely, your parental instincts step in, and you know you must respond. You may have set limits only to find your child has a huge reaction or has found a way around the limit. I experienced this and even made idol threats to throw all devices in the garbage!

After coming to my senses, I remembered what I learned from Dr. Tina Payne Bryson: that behavior is communication. She reminded me that if children had trouble with a limit, that was their way of saying, "I need help with this skill." If we look at limits around screens through the lens of helping our children build the skill of having a healthy relationship with technology, we can see where our children need support.

We can create a plan using empowered and peaceful parenting techniques from this perspective.

Lead by Example

Children often learn by observing their parent's behavior. In empowered and peaceful parenting, leading by example is crucial. If you want your child to limit their screen time, you should also practice healthy screen habits. Show them you can strike a balance between work, play, and digital media. Spend quality time as a family, engage in non-screen activities, and emphasize the importance of face-to-face interactions.

Open Communication

The foundation of empowered and peaceful parenting is open communication. Sit down with your child and discuss the importance of screen limits. Explain the reason behind your decision, emphasizing the benefits of balance between screen time and other activities like physical play, reading, and social interactions. Encourage your child to share their thoughts, concerns, and preferences. This open dialogue sets the stage for a respectful and cooperative approach to setting limits.

Collaborative Decision-Making

Once you've had the initial conversation, involve your child in setting their screen time limits. Your child might say, "My idea is that I have no limits, and I get to be on my device as much as I want." You can say, "That works for you, but that doesn't work for me. When we come up with a solution in our family, it has to work for both of us (or all of us). So, let's keep working on it. Here's what I'm thinking…" Work together to establish guidelines that both of you can agree on. By including your child in the decision-making process, they'll feel a sense of ownership over the rules, making them more likely to adhere to them. This collaborative approach empowers your child to take responsibility for their screen usage while fostering a sense of autonomy and trust.

Define Clear and Realistic Boundaries

Empowerment doesn't mean a lack of structure. It is essential to define clear, realistic boundaries for screen time. Consider factors such as your child's age, daily schedule, and types of screen activities they engage in. Especially think about the activities and skills they are not using when on a device. Children need active, hands-on engagement for their developing brains. Not all time on screens is terrible. During the pandemic, children lacked social engagement, and many learned to play video games with groups of friends. Kids laughing, talking, and strengthening friendships can be a positive activity. Set limits for different situations, like weekdays, weekends, and school holidays. When they are smaller, you may have to set the timer to signal the end of device time. You want to support them as they learn to set the timer themselves. You might ask, "What is your plan for getting off the device to get the sleep you need?" If they struggle with sticking to the agreement, you can say, "I see you are having a hard time. How would you like me to support you?" Having well-defined boundaries helps your child understand when and how to use screens, making it easier to self-regulate.

Encourage Alternative Activities

Encourage your child to explore alternative activities to make screen limits more manageable and appealing. Create a list of fun and enriching pursuits they can enjoy when not using screens, such as outdoor games, arts and crafts, reading, or cooking together. When your child discovers the joys in these activities, they'll willingly put down their devices. Children naturally enjoy these activities. It is a good sign that they are trying to fill an unmet need if they resist them. Their resistance brings an opportunity as a parent to hold the limit, get curious and use active listening skills, become the detective, and help your child meet their needs more healthily. Remember that time on screens can dysregulate our nervous system and that time in nature is an excellent way to regulate our nervous system.

Conclusion

Setting limits on your child's screen usage is essential to empowered and peaceful parenting. It allows your child to enjoy the benefits of technology while maintaining a balanced and healthy lifestyle. By leading by example, promoting open communication, collaborative decision-making, clear boundaries, and encouraging alternative activities, you can create an environment where your child understands and respects the limits you have set. And your connection with your child is strengthened. You may benefit from working with a professional after trying the above suggestions and still struggling with screen issues. Parenting in the digital age is complex; we are in uncharted territory. Seeking support may help you feel less alone and more confident.

Contact me for more ideas and support with setting limits and developing healthy tech habits.

< Older Post Newer Post >

Mail

When Scary Becomes Too Scary

By Meghan Brand • October 30, 2025

Each October, neighborhoods come alive with creativity — cobwebs on fences, pumpkins glowing, skeletons dancing in the wind. It’s one of the joys of living in a community that celebrates together. But in recent years, Halloween decorations have grown more elaborate and, at times, more graphic — life-sized monsters, severed limbs, bloodied scenes straight from a horror movie. Many are impressive feats of artistry. Yet it’s worth pausing to ask: how do these images land in the hearts and nervous systems of the children who pass them every day? What Gets Fired Together Gets Wired Together Our brains are designed to protect us. When we see something frightening, our amygdala fires — sending messages that say, “danger, stay alert!” In adults, the prefrontal cortex helps us calm down and remember it’s just pretend. But in children, that part of the brain is still developing. They can’t always tell the difference between a make-believe threat and a real one. The saying “what fires together, wires together” is neuroscience shorthand for how repeated experiences shape the brain. If a child walks past gory or threatening imagery every day, their brain may repeatedly fire the “fear” circuitry — and those neural pathways can strengthen. Even if they act brave, their body may quietly store the stress. The Hidden Costs of Fright Children process images differently than adults. Scary visuals can linger as intrusive mental pictures, showing up later as nightmares, restlessness, or heightened vigilance. Some kids may shrug it off; others may not sleep well for days. The American Academy of Pediatrics notes that young viewers often internalize horror imagery as real threat. And researchers have found that repeated exposure to violent or frightening visuals can increase anxiety or desensitize emotional response — depending on a child’s age, temperament, and support system. It’s not about blaming anyone. It’s about remembering that safety is the soil in which childhood grows. Seeing Through a Child’s Eyes Halloween brings out incredible artistry — creativity, humor, and craftsmanship that light up our neighborhoods. Many displays are stunning to look at, even awe-inspiring. Yet what’s thrilling for adults can feel very different to a child. Children process the world through their senses and emotions before logic catches up. Their nervous systems react first — their hearts race, their muscles tense, their imaginations fill in the story. They don’t yet have the cognitive filters we do. So while we might see “a clever spooky scene,” a young child might see something that feels real and unsettling. That’s why it helps to slow down and talk with them — maybe on a walk, maybe later at bedtime — about what’s pretend and what’s real. Asking how something made them feel, or inviting them to draw or talk about it, helps their brains integrate the experience and regain a sense of safety. When we can see through a child’s eyes, we widen our circle of awareness. Heeding the Children We can’t — and don’t want to — bubble-wrap childhood. Still, it helps to understand how a developing mind takes in the world around it — and how awareness itself can nurture resilience. That means: Watching for cues — does your child’s body tense up when they see certain images? Offering reassurance — “That’s just pretend. You’re safe.” Encouraging expression — through art, storytelling, movement, or cuddles. By noticing how our children respond, we strengthen trust and connection — the real roots of resilience. A Gentle Reflection Halloween is a season of imagination — of mystery, play, and shared creativity. For adults, the thrill of fear can be entertaining, even nostalgic. For children, those same images can stir something deeper, more embodied. When we pause to notice how differently our kids might experience what we take for granted, we practice awareness — not judgment. Each moment of attunement helps us stay connected to what matters most: our children’s sense of safety, belonging, and wonder. What gets fired together gets wired together — and with a little mindfulness, we can help wire memories filled with curiosity, laughter, and love.

Empowered Parents’ Guide to Teen Halloween Parties

By Meghan Brand • October 27, 2025

Halloween brings excitement, creativity, and independence — especially for high schoolers. But for parents, it can stir up anxiety: Will they be safe? Will there be alcohol? Will they make good choices? As a first-time parent of a teenager — and as someone who was a rebellious teen myself — I’m navigating this right alongside you. I want something different for my son: connection over control, trust over fear. I don’t have all the answers, but I’m drawing from my training as a certified parent coach and my years studying digital health and authentic connection to guide us both through this new terrain. What I’ve learned is that our power as parents comes not from enforcing compliance, but from building relationships rooted in respect and presence. Lead with Curiosity, Not Control When we lead with control — “You’re not going to that party!” — we shut down communication. When we lead with curiosity, we invite honesty and connection. Try asking: “Tell me more about the plans — who’s going, what’s the vibe, what sounds fun about it?” Listening without judgment builds trust. When teens feel respected instead of criticized, they’re far more likely to tell us the truth — even about risky situations. Co-Create Safety Agreements Instead of setting rules for your teen, create agreements with them. This builds responsibility and self-trust. A few key areas to cover: Transportation : How will they get there and home safely? What’s Plan B if something changes? Communication : What kind of check-in feels fair — a text when arriving and one before leaving? Substances : Talk about peer pressure and alcohol without lectures. Emphasize your love and availability: “If something feels wrong, call me — no judgment.” Boundaries : Agree on a safety word or symbol they can text if they need a pickup or an exit. When expectations are clear, everyone can relax — and your teen gains confidence navigating independence. Costumes, Consent, and Confidence Halloween costumes can be creative, funny, or expressive — but they can also trigger social pressures. This is a great time for a conversation about body confidence and consent: What kind of attention feels good — and what doesn’t? How do you want to feel in your outfit — respected, comfortable, authentic? What’s your plan if someone crosses a line or shares an unwanted photo? Remind them: consent applies everywhere — parties, photos, group chats. Encourage self-expression that feels empowering, not performative. “What If” Scenarios for Real-Life Confidence Saying “Be smart” isn’t enough — teens need to practice smart. Talk through possible scenarios: “What would you do if your ride’s been drinking?” “If you’re uncomfortable, how can you get grounded or call for help?” “If plans shift and you feel uneasy, what’s your exit plan?” These conversations build inner leadership and courage. You’re not micromanaging — you’re mentoring. Reconnect Without Interrogating When your teen gets home, keep the door open for connection, not confrontation. Ask: “How was it? What was the best part?” Let them share freely before diving into rules or consequences. If something went wrong, stay calm — this is how you teach reflection, not fear. Model Calm and Confidence Teens mirror our nervous systems. When we project calm trust — “I believe in your good judgment, and I’m here if things go sideways” — they internalize it. Our grounded energy becomes their inner compass when we’re not there. Final Thought Halloween can be a rite of passage for your teen — and for you. Every time you practice trust, empathy, and honest conversation, you’re strengthening their self-leadership. Parenting through empowerment isn’t about perfection. It’s about presence, partnership, and the quiet courage to let them grow — even as we’re still learning ourselves. Meghan Brand Stauf is a Jai Certified Parent Coach and Digital Health Support Specialist who helps families build connection, confidence, and screenwise balance. As a first-time parent of a teenager, she brings both personal honesty and professional insight to her coaching.